I went back to work yesterday. I began dreading it almost as soon as we brought Ansley home. Three days old and I was already worried about having to leave my baby. Talk about neurotic! And also totally normal. No mom wants to leave their child. But some moms can do it more easily than others: maybe they're ready to go back to work, maybe they're ready for adult interaction. I was neither. Definitely didn't want to do the 9 to 5 (or 7 to 4) instead of cuddling with my little girl. And good luck with adult interaction- I teach third graders all day! Sunday night, I was a total blubbering wreck and spent the better part of an hour sobbing in my husband's lap. Ansley was going to his aunt's house (who is closer to our age than our parents), and is completely loving and fun. Of course she would be taken care of. But not by me, her mom who knows how to do everything "just right". As much "just right" as eight weeks will teach you anyway! But I'm not fooling anyone. The real reason is that I just wanted to be with Ansley every minute. I was so upset that I would miss almost all of her day, and the little moments would be lost during the minutes I wasn't spending with her. I couldn't help but think of the missed smiles, coos, warm hugs, sweet eyes. They would be given to someone else besides mommy. It was killing me!
But Monday morning came, and even though I teared up a few times at the beginning, I had to muster my strength and get through the day. Kevin volunteered to drop Ansley off for me to make it easier, even though Melissa's house is past my work and he doesn't have to go anywhere near that side of the county. I'm convinced the day would have been much harder if I had taken her, so I'm so thankful he did that for me. Armed with my Caramel Macchiato, I stepped into my classroom for the first time in almost 8 weeks. And you know what? It wasn't as horrible as I was anticipating. There were some kids that got on my nerves (as always), and I definitely missed my girl, but I got back into the flow and the day went by quickly. And the very best part of going back to work was the excitement I felt when I left to pick her up. I grinned and laughed and sang happy songs to myself all the way there. It was ridiculous how happy I was to go and get my baby girl! When I scooped her up into my arms and gave her a warm, loving hug, everything felt alright. And it was.